My Jaded Life

Bettie Page, Too Hot For Heaven!

2008-12-12T15:25:00.001-08:00

LOS ANGELES – Bettie Page, the 1950s secretary-turned-model whose controversial photographs in skimpy attire or none at all helped set the stage for the 1960s sexual revolution, died Thursday. She was 85. Link

Anna Songs Great Blue Tits

2008-12-11T14:36:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine sent me the link to this image. All I can say is WOW! I instantly wanted to be somewhere private so I could burn one out. Look at how those things hang. Amazing. Ill have to put up some of her hard stuff at world class.

election week haiku

2008-10-28T22:13:00.000-07:00

dumpster blowjob whore
papers fall like autumn leaves
voter fraud cheats

register to vote

2008-10-08T02:32:00.000-07:00

the state deadlines for the presidential election are quickly approaching.
click here to register to vote.
vote on November 4.

Summer night in The Valley

2008-08-28T01:32:00.000-07:00

Something weird happened tonight.

My boss is out of town this week for the Labor Day holiday so its been quiet around the office. I was driving home and my cell phone rang, his home number appeared on the caller ID and it puzzled me. This new law in California makes it illegal to answer a phone call while driving a car without a hands-free device but I answered quick because I was alarmed forgoing my bluetooth option.

It was his wife. She asked if I could meet her for drinks in the valley. She suggested a popular spot on Ventura and I told her I could make it. I hung up unsure what she needed to tell me.

Well an hour later it was clear that she wanted to fuck. The bar was busy teaming with freaky hoochie-mamas dressed like sluts. The only dudes in the house were creepy and all needed to shave. My boss's wife got hammered on red wine and I drove her home but not without three of her girlfriends seeing us. When I went to the bathroom they appeared out of nowhere sprung on the couch and asked who I was. I didn't know about this until later so I might be fucked.

I drove her home. She got out and said, "go to the liquor store and get a bottle of wine," I thought this wasn't good but I did it anyway. The closest liquor store was closed but when I entered the next one I told the cashier I needed a strong bottle to knock a bitch out with. He shrugged his shoulders but I grabbed something I knew was 13% and bought a shitty porno mag from the magazine rack. They had DVDs too but I passed them by because they looked too softcore.

Thirty minutes later I was fucking my boss's wife in her daughter's bedroom. Her daughter was asleep in the master bed down the hall. I came on her tits and she wiped it off with her daughter's blanket. The fuck was terrible, wish I hadn't done it, the only way I was able to cum was by staring at the poster of Miley Cirus and some other Disney slut on the wall. I had to stare at them both, I'm no child perp, the two of them added up to be well over 20.

I called a cab but she clung on me like a drunk whore. Stupid bitch, stupid me.

The cab came and I jumped in the front seat. I scared the driver - a Russian guy who usually didn't let people ride up front. He seemed Armenian. I asked him if he picked up a lot of people from this street. "Sometimes," he said.

"Is that because the neighbors are Armenian gangsters?" I asked. He didn't respond. Then I asked him if he ever drives hookers. "All the time," he answered right away. Well pal, you've got another one tonight - me. I'm as slutty as they come and I've got Miley's blood on my hands.

I'm lying in bed but I can't sleep. The crickets outside are making their balmy summer song. I'm a loser, but I did cum on her tits.

late nights

2008-08-14T02:17:00.001-07:00

up until past 2AM again.
but by now I know that Gary Winogrand was the best there ever was.

the best pie in Los Angeles...

2008-08-13T03:57:00.000-07:00

this is entirely about the best pizza you can find in Los Angeles. nothing else, remember that.

tonight started out differently than most mid-summer nights. it started in the morning around 10am when I got an email back from Julie saying we could meet tonight at 8:30pm. this made the whole work day very challenging. I slept-walked through most of it, my imagination on my upcoming date with Julie. I had never seen her before but all the reviews were very promising.

around 8:45pm I turned onto her street when my alternate cell phone rang. it was Julie wanting to know if I was still coming. "I just turned onto your street," I reassured her. she told me parking in the valley at this time of night might be tough but I found a spot and she gave me directions through her door. it struck me as a surprise that she would give me her secret code to open the front gate, "don't press the pound key like it says," she instructed. she gave me directions as I walked to her door, "the door will be ajar so just come in." she wants to keep a discreet profile to her neighbors.

when I walked in I saw the epitomy of a MILF. a short, blonde soccer mom in a black audrey hepburn dress and high heels. we had a little chit-chat in her kitchen then she showed me to her bedroom. unlike most providers I've seen Julie keeps a clean house. her bedroom was clean and neat. for a hooker how can she be such a neat-freak? clean white carpet, warm lenin sheets, XM radio, etc.

on her bedroom TV a porno was already playing. she invited me to lay on the bed so she could give me a massage. quickly the massage turned into a blowjob that was perfectly staged so I could either look at her, look at her sucking me off via her closet mirror, or simply watch the porno. Julie doesn't have an once of silicone in her but her lips still look amazing sucking cock.

Julie is a real woman, not an overly-thin type with enhanced juggs. she has a normal body with some naturally sized D-cups. although humbly she reported they were only C's. no way they were C's.

she turned over for me and draped her head off the edge of the bed so I could fuck her face. this didn't last as long as her initial blowjob because the blood was rushing to her head and she finally begged for mercy. I gave it to her in the form of a facial spraying her face by the light of the TV. she rested on her knees on the floor but brought me completely to climax with her mouth and stroking my shaft.

with a hug Jenny checked the hallway. the coast was clear so she ushered me on my way. on the way back to my car I walked on a sidewalk but was dimmly lit and scared a tall babe on her way home. I calmly said hello and somehow realized that she turned and looked back at me from the shadows on the sidewalk. if I had been a little more clever I could have called it two-for-two.

I drove back home. I changed my underwear and soaped my cock over. I changed my shirt because now it was time to drive all the way to Abbott Kinney for a midnight drink. it took me almost an hour to drive there but the two Venice bars on the street made it worth it. I skipped The Brig for the higher-classed theotherroom. I easily found a parking spot but avoided the shirtless Venice beach freak beating his tom-tom on the street corner. I ducked into theotherroom and ordered a vodka tonic.

"we're wine and beer only," the bartender told me as politely as he could. I saw an array of beers on tap and couldn't decide. the place was hopping with elite chicks and dudes who were on their game. the place was noisy but not too crowded. still I only had a moment to decide. I saw the Delirium Tremmens tap handle and placed my order.

there was an open barstool and I feel right into it. I paid my nine dollars and took a sip. I hadn't had dinner yet so it hit me like a bullet. then I noticed two babes next to me. one blonde, one brunette. but the conversation that I sprang upon was with the bartender. he was flying to Roma the next morning and I gave him some recommendations on wine and cheese to seek out. I told him my experience with flying the house wines back and why they are the best. I asked him if he had ever heard of Brachetto.

the two babes left without warning. the bartender and I kept talking. we had a lull in our conversation when a guy came from the shadows and slapped my back, "you could'a had a shot at those two girls man. now they're headed to The Brig." I slammed my empty glass on the bar, after all The Brig is a meat market. my Bartender asked me if he could buy me another. I was already wasted but obliged his offer. he poured me a tap.

out of the corner of my glazing eyes I saw the most amazing bag hit the bar. I looked over and saw a woman's purse, black and snake-skin design sitting next to me. it was not oversized and it outdid all the latest fashions I have seen at Barney's and Neiman's in one look. a small gold fob of a penguin fell from the loops, it had the designers name on it and to me it translated, "the queen bee," wow.

I looked over and now saw seven pussies sitting side-by-side-by-side next to me. all natural women, all slender and tall taking a seat at the bar beside me. the bartender and I looked at each other as if to say, "what just happened?"

the owner of the bag was a black woman from Italy. "you didn't buy that in the states did you?" I asked. she smiled, "no, I got it in Filiona." off my drunk stare she broke it down for me, "near Milano" in her heaviest local.

after a beer or two the company of women called it a night. this time I struck out but not before another Delirium and by now I was feeling it. I left unannounced without thanking the bartender for his hospitality. I drove straight up Main Street looking for a place, any place that could feed me after midnight.

for a second I seriously thought I should screw looking for food and just drive on to Eros Station for round two. there I could get my second crazy slut of the night -- then in my drunk state I thought better of it.

by the time I reached Mulholland and drove the last quarter-mile home I would see a parked Lamborgini Diablo at one overlook and a relic of a late-80's Crown Victoria at the next. from the curving roads my headlights shined into the Crown Vic and I saw two hot blondes asleep. their heads resting onto one another in the front seat. one looked like she barely had any lipstick left on but my headlights didn't even bother them. I thought about stopping but on second thought that was the exact overlook where they found one of the Manson Jane Doe bodies.

but before that, back in Venice I suddenly I saw the neon sign that read, "open late." I pulled an illegal u-turn and parked curbside. I walked in the place, a pizza slice joint. perfect. the door was held open to the night air by a long tube of discarded batteries. the proper way to dispose of your Duracells is not to toss them in the trash but give them to a Radio Shack or something like that. "I should have brought mine," I told the guy across the counter.

he shook his head in annoyance, "people come in here with three bags full, I don't know what to do with them. what can I get you?" I shook my head understanding his pain to do the right thing versus the plethora of evil it caused. then I looked into his case of pizzas, "I'll take that mushroom," I said.

"just one?" he asked. "I better have two," I told him and then he said, "I better give you one of these cheese slices too." he tossed them all onto a small plate. by now I had half of a pie. "that'll be $8.12," he tossed them in the oven and I took a seat at the bar.

"where are you from? you know, you're the most polite person to ever come in here," this didn't surprise me. after all I was in Venice, CA. "Missouri, I told him," now I was perplexed that two people had asked me my roots in the same night -- my hooker and the pizza owner.

"you've been out here eight years and you're still nice?" he said. I asked him where he was from. "I was the son of a dairy farmer in upstate New York," he said. that was when we bonded. over cows. I told him about my first time birthing a dead calf and he upped me, "I once had to take a calf out with a tractor. it was either the cow or the calf. we didn't have much but its always better to take the calf. ruined the mother when I did it and she died in about two minutes."

he gave me my pizza and I walked back out. for two seconds I forgot where I parked. getting back onto the 10 freeway I took a bite of the mushroom slice. holy shit. holy shit. it melted in my mouth, no need for a napkin, no dripping grease. this is not how Mulberry makes it. now it all made sense -- the guy was from upstate New York, no wonder he knew how to make a real slice of pie.

cumming after the funeral

2008-07-11T03:46:00.000-07:00

there is a woman in my department at work who lost her father last week. he died peacefully in his sleep when a blood clot silently passed into his lungs and remained there. it was a complete surprise to my friend, Stacy, and her entire family came together for a week she will never forget. the gathering of friends and family for the funeral was a comedy of errors fit for a movie. it had all the elements of tragedy, drama and hilarity you would expect to only see in a film but never live yourself and after it was all said and done Julia returned to work exhausted.

Stacy made quite an appearance on her first morning back. I was giving notes to my assistant when she slowly peeked around the door still wearing her sunglasses. we tried to be warm unsure of how fragile she might be so close to losing her father and without saying a word she shyly lowered her glasses revealing a big shining black eye. when I said, "Oh my god!" in shock her hand started to shake and she teared up unable to keep herself together. I jumped up to hug her before she could barely make out that she had been unloading the dishwasher and hit her eye on the cabinet door her kids had left open.

among all the follies of stories she retold of her week including her brother entering drug rehab, her kids getting sick, her fights with her sister, and her husband forgetting a necktie -- Stacy's topper was her souvenir shiner. not only did she have a black eye but she had a bandage over the bridge of her nose as if she had gone through plastic surgery. she had gone to sleep and when she woke up her eye was swollen shut and crusted with dried blood. (gross I know, sorry. but it was such an insane detail I had to include it.)

even when she had to visit the ER in the hospital the nurses were required to ask her if her injury was from domestic abuse. I was wondering the same thing myself, but I didn't push the issue even though everyone was thinking it. Stacy had more horrors to face the next day at the Fourth of July parade. she spent the morning at her kids' school with her sunglasses on but unable to keep her embarrassing bruise out of sight and had to explain herself repeatedly to all the other neighborhood moms.

when we got back from our Fourth of July weekend Stacy's eye looked a lot better but it still had a lot of healing to do. she still looked as if she had just finished the night shift at the circus. we were talking in the hall when she gave up the goods to my assistant and me. in another surprise she divulged the real source of her black eye.

"I hit the headboard," she said.

silence. Dylan and I exchanged looks from the corners of our eyes. what? you mean? but we didn't say anything only blinking our eyes in wide understanding. wow.

TMI? maybe, but really it suddenly turned me on and I looked at her with fascination. Stacy had just openly expressed her sex life to us when we had always remained one hundred percent professional. suddenly I pictured her atop her husband riding him in ecstacy. Stacy riding him fast and deep trying to let go of the stress her father's death had brought on. her long black hair covering her face, her bare back rising above the bedsheets, and she growing to a climax. then POW, the oak headboard slams into her face.

all at once the situation must have changed and I wonder how tightly she might have squeezed her pussy on her husband's cock when she hit. suddenly her sweaty brow mixed with her blood. I wonder if she was suddenly bleeding, cumming and crying all at the same time.

I wonder if you can actually experience such a thing, three over-riding sensations at once: pain, hurt and orgasm. so I asked Stacy outright if it had come to that. "not exactly," was all she could reply and then she cracked up with a big healthy laugh. she laughed so hard she cried again so she reached for a kleenex and wiped her tear-stained, bruised, black eye.

black bush anyone?

2008-07-10T03:11:00.000-07:00

who wouldn't like a little Black Bush right now?
or maybe something even blacker?

I think chicks dig biker dudes

2008-07-10T01:34:00.000-07:00

most of the time when I ride my bike I carry a little digital camera. it comes in handy for snapping shots of amusing on-bike moments, overturned cars and roadkill. don't worry I don't snap roadkill but you never know when you'll find something interesting. no more tour de france jerseys, cameras are the newest and most fashionable accessory in cycling.

the other day I was spinning around town when this car whizzed by me at mach 10. it came really close and it almost hit me. I was so pissed, why don't cars share the road? it happens everywhere and no matter what city officials do to lend the little guy a bone cars will never respect bikes or commuters who ride bikes instead of killing the planet by the mile.

this was one of those rare times when I actually caught up to the car that had passed me so closely when it was stopped by a red light. as I approached the next red light I was ready to throw my waterbottle threw their f*cking windshield and was really meaning to do it so I sprinted ahead and got ready to unleash some hell on this shithead.

just as I was lining up the car with my best fastball I noticed the car's windows were down and long brown hair wearing big sunglasses were in the driver's seat. it was a f*cking woman driver which made even more sense. the light was still red so I thought I'd have time to throw in a few mean words along with my bottle throw and then I even thought it would be better to actually spray the driver through her open window instead.

but then she took off her sunnies and at once I noticed this chick was one hot babe. the light was still red so I changed my mind again, I put my bottle back in its cage and pulled out my camera. my angle was perfect for some peeping tom shots of her and she would never see me. she checked herself in her rear-view mirror and teased her hair. the jackpot was the blouse she was wearing. smoking hot boobs were bulging from her shirt and I could almost see her nipples. she was amazing. I wanted to touch her, to say something. I couldn't get enough and was lucky to grab a few pics of her cleavage.

I almost said something to her before the light turned green, but when it changed she sped off leaving me sitting by myself in the wake of her dust. I went on with my ride, it was a short one because I was taking it easy trying to cool down after a hard race I had done the day before. I tooled through some neighborhoods then headed back the way I came. riding along the same street I had gone down I saw her car again. this time it was parked and she was doing a little window shopping.

now I was a total voyeur. the temptation to grab a few more snapshots really was setting in so I rode slowly around the block and grabbed a photo or two. my camera doesn't have much of a zoom, but I think the ones I got of her did the trick - I was so nervous and turned-on it was hard to hold the camera steady.

taking shots on the street of woman can be hard. its best to just go up and ask them. gary winnogrand did it best. he even published a famous hardcover coffee-table photo book about it. he even titled it, "Women." that mother f*cker was bad ass. king of the street pin-up.

I didn't have the balls to ask this chick for a little candid camera, instead I tried my best hidden camera while still riding slow on the bike. one drive by lead to another, then another until I was afraid she couldn't help but notice me and I think she started to get suspicious. on my fourth pass I took a pic and I'm sure she saw me in the reflection of a store window.

dammit! I was busted because she totally spun around and looked straight into my sunglasses. I panicked and almost started to sprint away. as I started to power away I realized that when she had turned her face wasn't one of anger but it actually looked like she had smiled a little.

so I doubled back and coyly rolled by on the opposite side of the street. I tried to keep it cool but I also was looking over my shoulder at her. instead of scowling at me it looked like she was trying to pose for me. what was she thinking? was she digging her new found stalker? I pedaled up close onto the sidewalk and she gave me the perfect model pose without a care.

now I was in business. things had just gotten interesting so I doubled back again to talk to her. just as I was rolling up a door opened and a guy walked out. he walked right up to her and took her by the hand. she stood up on her tip-toes and gave him a deep kiss right on the lips. then they turned and walked away to her car. he took the keys and she got in the passenger seat. I stopped, completely devastated - absolutely cock blocked by her boyfriend. I guess its a good thing because the battery was running low and that would have been a bummer.

the dude started her car and gave it a serious rev that sucker punched me in the balls. son of a bitch. then at that instant her hair blew out the window again and she stuck her head out and looked at me. it was a super flirty look like she was sorry that our photo shoot had suddenly been canceled. but her look was also enough to give me a boner right in my biker shorts. then he hit the gas and peeled away from the curb. it sucks because she didn't have a license plate. but never did I feel so sexy wearing lycra.

summer skin movies

2008-07-07T08:02:00.000-07:00

don't ask me how or why but over the Fourth of July holiday weekend I managed to see three movies in three days. normally I'm out and about in the sand and sun during the summer but I made my way to three screenings, and they weren't even your typical summer blockbusters -- but it is worth mentioning them all here especially if you are looking for some skin at your local theater.

the first was GARDEN PARTY. I have heard about this movie for awhile from it being pushed heavily on the radio here in LA. and from watching the trailer and reading a little bit about it on the Internet you might expect this to be the next coming of David Lynch's Mulholland
Drive. the plot follows a small group of confused young adults struggling to make it big in Hollywood. one is named April who can't go home again and manages to turn to the porn industry to make ends meet. after answering an ad in a Los Angeles paper she shows up to the studio of a photographer who snaps a few shots of her and publishes them on his Internet web site. while this has the makings of a great erotic thrill-ride, Garden Party leaves you speechless because it is such a bad movie. it has girl-on-girl action and a few sexually charged moments but it tries too hard to be a provocative art film and I wouldn't bother seeing it if I were you. I would rather suggest this Garden Party instead.

the second movie I caught was 8 MILES HIGH. wild film and a little more mainstream. this flick follows the life of 60's-70's German Supermodel Uschi Obermeier, as she travels the world in a hippie Mercedes Benz bus falling in love with rock stars and the spotlight. being based on a true story its nice to learn about one of Europe's lesser known sex symbols that I had never even heard of. great movie, worth a look but don't expect any Oscars at the end of the day. lots of skin and fun with the lead actress Natalie Avelon, she makes love to the camera and really pops off the screen. wicked.

but my favorite film of the weekend was THE LAST MISTRESS, spelled Une vieille maîtresse in French. this is
a true indie flick so it is way too long but if you are looking to score some intellect points with your date keep this one in mind. another warning though, it's entirely in French so you have to keep up with the subtitles. but what makes this film my pick of the skin week is the amount of boobs on screen. lots of tits, lots of sex and it happens throughout the movie -- even as one couple is cremating their poor daughter in the middle of Algeria after she was stung by a scorpion. (yeah, like I said this is an art flick.) but you gotta love the knockers actress Asia Argento was blessed with. they are rock hard but fully natural, you want to reach out and grab a hold because they look tasty. even if you pull this one down off Netflix take a look just for the boobs and the blood licking scene.

that's my take, but I'm not going to close without giving you one last look at Asia Argento. and if you'd like a nice catalog of lesbian scenes in pictures check out the hogrock cafe collection but for the real shit check out The Flesh Circus.

My Jaded Pornstar Power Rankings

2008-07-05T17:18:00.000-07:00

Here's my list of top pornstar babes I want to fuck.

I'm only basing my criteria on my libido this week. Nothing else, not by looks, performance, genre or what other people are saying, just who I want to fuck.

Kind of random I know, but I want to make it clear that these ratings can change at any moment, when they do I'll make a new list.

This moment's JADED LIFE top rated pornstars are...

3. Hunter Bryce
2. Bree Olson
1. Brandi Edwards

what a pair!

2008-07-01T23:21:00.000-07:00

The other day on a morning radio talk show, KROQ's Kevin and Bean to be exact, I caught a discussion about my free implants dot com. It's pretty good internet fun. Instead of porn stars, real life women looking to get their breasts done can go to the site and look for sponsors to help them pay for a boob job.

It's part My Space, part Match dot com. When you become a benefactor you get a membership id that allows you to donate your credits to the chicks you want to see get boobs. It's pretty awesome and the whole thing is explained right here.

In addition to the unrestricted access to all of the female profiles you can also help the girls by:

Sending a direct donation for a gal's implant surgery
Purchase message credits that allow you to send messages to the ladies
Request personal and custom videos from the girls in return
Receive custom pics of your favorite women (before and after!)
Chat 1-on-1 online in real time while getting to know the ladies

On the other hand, I highly recommend what a pair dot com. It's a breast cancer charity that enlists hot celebrities and female singers for the cause. Save the boobs!

in mullet we trist

2008-06-28T01:33:00.000-07:00

sometimes I see an image on Google and I wonder, "what was the inspiration for this one?" I must really live a boring life.

can Porn Valley bail out California's debt woes?

2008-06-23T21:56:00.000-07:00

When Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was running to recall democratic governor Gray Davis he faced over one hundred republican opponents. One of them was porn-peddler Larry Flint. America's most well-known smut publisher was ignored in the election, but now he might be part of the solution to save the state's spending problems.

A California state representative is proposing a new bill dealing with the state’s huge budget shortfall. Currently the state of California is so increasingly in debt that Arnold will never Terminate it. Despite being the globe's eighth largest economy (an economy larger than France or Italy) the state government is trying to balance the budget by any means available and investigating taxing pornography, including the production and sale of pornographic videos — by 25 percent.

To an economist this initially sounds like a good idea, but it might be the least enforceable tax. Why? Productions can fudge their production data, their sales data, its like requiring a waitress to disclose her tips. On the positive the idea is ideal because in theory it is one that won't cause any change in behavior — doesn’t generate any excess burden on the economy. Or will it? The ratio between the amount of web surfers looking for free porn and those who actually purchase it is high.

Overall though I believe the demand for pornography is quite inelastic (high-brow economic word), so sales probably wouldn't be reduced much if porn prices rise. This hinges on the success of producers passing this tax along to its consumers.

Demand is only one side of the skin trade market. Having this tax only in California gives producers an incentive to move out and pick up operations in a new locale. I am sure porn video producers are not too attached to living in Southern California, a leader in this and all other aspects of the movie industry; but production cost of this type of production are low and ingenious, and entrepreneurs in this industry are fairly mobile already. Final Cut can be run on a laptop you know.

That being the case, this tax might generate a substantial dead-weight loss, as a lot of production shifts to other states that don’t impose the tax. The tax might raise revenue — that depends how many producers move production elsewhere or go out of business. You can bet one thing is for sure, this tax will certainly reduce overall output in this major California industry. And it will affect other industries that feed off Porn Valley such as the plastic surgery trade.

Ultimately, if state and federal governments start poaching people who buy pornography, what is next? People who buy milk?

Fetish Show in the Biblebelt

2008-06-12T23:44:00.000-07:00

Springfield, Missouri.
Biblebelt, home of the Assemblies of God
What comes to mind?
Hands lifted in earnest prayer?
A farmer working the soil?
A 250,000 volt neon-pink shocking dildo.

courtesy of Untapped Productions

Im Sucking On These Right Now!

2008-05-30T12:54:00.000-07:00

I did another google search test. This time I searched "tit". Some boring results, number one was the Janet Jackson Superbowl Nipple Slip and a lot of birds filling out the rest of the page. But down a few rows where these showstoppers. Since I pulled this image up about 10 minutes ago, I can think about anything else. They are just heavenly hooters. My gawd I want to plow those fucking things. Jeeez.

is Fergie lame?

2008-05-28T06:06:00.000-07:00

Yes.

Why? Because she has a new five-song album on itunes that sells for eight dollars and the only single that you will be buying it for is Barracuda. That song is a remake of Heart's 1977 hit of the same name.

Fergie is lame because her cover sounds exactly like the original. Whatever.

The only thing lamer is Mushroom Records scandal that shocked the music industry when they tried to start a rumor that Ann and Nancy Wilson were not only sisters but lesbian lovers as well.

Fergie's lyrics in her recent hit Clumsy are no better. While the beat is sharp from the looks of her video she's clearly marketed towards adolescent girls who haven't had their period yet. Fergie is just whoring herself out.

I found this image on Wikipedia so the original girls could have the last word. As you can see they are still in action.

If you're looking for hot babes in pop music here's a new one for you. While you might be thinking I'm posting the Eric Prydz remix of "Call on Me" I'm actually taking it a step further. This is an actual workout tape done with the same cast from the video. Jane Fonda never knew what hit her.

kiddie pool

2008-05-25T13:50:00.000-07:00

Back in college when I used to ride bikes a lot more than I do now we used to do a lot of afternoon rides after class. On one steaming hot day in the late fall a buddy of mine and me were waiting at a light sweating our asses off as a black car made a left hand turn in front of us. The car was a late model Camero that had seen better days, it had rusted doors, a torn dash and completely fit into the side of town we were passing through.

This was the side of town typical to the Midwest where frequent tire squeals can be heard at about every gas station because people are out causing trouble after years of being down on their luck. There was always a lot of rough trade on this side of town that you didn't want to mess with.

Inside the car there were two teenage guys and in between them a girl who was probably thirteen or fourteen. She was definitely younger than the guys she was riding with. She had long, unwashed blonde hair and fair light skin. She was definitely underage but looked pretty interesting to me and my riding buddy. He and I were still nineteen or so making it not too bad for us to be staring at such an illegal piece of ass. But we were bike geeks on the wrong side of town and we stuck out in our lycra gear.

All of a sudden in an impulse this chick took one look at us and clearly mouthed the words, "fuck me" to us.

The car's exhaust rumbled as it sped away and black soot hung in the air. As soon as they were gone my buddy turned to me and said, "did you see that?" Her quick little impulse had taken us both by surprise and brought us up straight -- even in our bike shorts. This mysterious trailer trash girl had a look on her face like she was looking for trouble because she was probably living in a trailer park and got no attention or love from her parents. Maybe she was on her way to smoke cigarettes and drink with these guys before she let them take turns pounding away at her in their parent's bedroom. She's probably in some strip club now or on welfare with three kids. Hopefully the Girls Next Door losers never got to her.

upscale erotica adult shop hits Los Angeles

2008-05-24T13:20:00.000-07:00

My girlfriend is not normally the type who would want to venture into an adult toy store no matter what the neighborhood. She’s not alone because when most of us think about the inside of an adult sex shop a lot of lively and perhaps even frightening images might come to mind. Both the products offered and the guy behind the counter can be equally colorful. However, on the walk back to the car after breakfast we happened upon Coco de Mer, a shop recently opened in Los Angeles on Melrose Avenue.

From the outside Coco de Mer redefines upscale from its name alone and the subtlety of the entrance. As we walked a few steps down a quiet alley away from the street my girl’s hand felt panicked like a virgin trying something new for the first time. Instead of a welcome mat one of the steps has the words gracefully painted “hello stranger.” Once inside my girlfriend was instantly calm. The lights are pretty low, but you feel comfortable and you know you are in a shop fit for Beverly Hills.

Beautifully designed with a friendly staff, dedicated to all things sexual from toys to lingerie to books and erotic art Coco de Mer offers some of the finest products at the highest quality that you usually don’t find at your typical adult store. In fact it almost seems like this boutique is half store, half museum but even the artwork is for sale. A hot sexy pair of mannequin legs is in the window complete with a handcrafted crafted pussy and clitoris, dressed with a leather corset and a whip to match. There are more bondage toys as well including handcuffs, paddles and feathers ready to tickle. With the craftsmanship comes a price, but even if most of the erotic toys and magazines for sale are out of your budget it is still worth a visit – those legs I mentioned go for twenty-five thousand. However, there are items for a wallet of any size. The store offers books, magazines, lots of lacy lingerie, glass dildos, butt plugs, natural lubes, jewelry, an eclectic selection of waterproof vibrators and candles from Jimmy Jane.

These candles are the perfect and innocent item to keep in mind if you are trying to entice your significant other into a sex shop for the first time. Jimmy Jane produces natural massage candles that set the tone with illumination, scent, and a little extra credit. Burn this candle, snuff the flame and playfully drip the wax on your lucky accomplice directly from the vase’s spout. The candles come in a variety of aphrodisiac scents that are sure to get your interlude going. Candles have never offered more possibility and are in a box vase that is modest enough to leave out when your family is visiting. They sell for around $35.

Coco de Mer’s library selection is equally unique. Sometimes erotic comic books and graphic novels are impossible to find and ordering from the internet can be suspect, but this store has them out and available for preview. My favorite was Blowjob, it gave new meaning to cum rag. Five short stories with each and every frame having at least one wet hard cock being sucked and blown by at least one hot slut, sometimes two sometimes more. You might need to wipe your hands after putting this one down.

There is also a variety of original items from Coco de Mer. In the gift card section, there are small pocket booklets of tear out pages with seductive and naughty pickup lines on them. I was told they are hand typed on an old typewriter by an old lady with a wicked imagination. Coco de Mer also offers its own set of lubes and massage oils, each for around $25 and made of all natural ingredients. The selection offers a jack off lube for solo masturbation.

The staff at this adult shop was friendly and very at your service. Two women behind the counter are ready to help and have big tits themselves. But if you don’t live in southern California or you still can’t get your girlfriend to go in, you can still shop online. All of their products are online and their website at www.cocodemerusa.com is equally as upscale of a shopping experience as actually being there. This store is the one of two in the Coco de Mer franchise. The first was opened in London, so you will feel lucky to make the visit.

Coco de Mer
7024 Melrose Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90038

If you don't live in the immediate area check out their recently updated website for a equally wicked experience. There is plenty of saucy material at their online store which is much much more of an interesting experience than what usually befalls an adult catalog. I highly recommend the members only area which is free and offers a gallery with sophistication above most standards but going above and beyond most web porn.

Good Bye J-Lo, Hello Lola!

2008-05-22T08:18:00.000-07:00

I was standing around in the pharmacy waiting for my Viagra refill and getting bored. So I wandered over to the magazine rack. Right there like an evil angel from some ass palace in the sky was a copy of King. And gracing the cover of this urban mag was the rump queen of our time "Angel Lola Luv". Put down that Pirate Treasure and say hello to some serious booty! Head over "The Flesh Circus" for a much larger collection of photos!

Don't Titty Fuck Susan Sarandon With One Hand

2008-05-20T19:35:00.000-07:00

I was passing on some sage titty fucking advice to a friend at work. The one handed method was a mystery to my buddy, so I thought I could help him out with a little boob fuck wisdom. If you have ever tried to to boob fuck a chic with tiny tits, you know how hard it can be to try and get some cleavage together to form some fuckable flesh. So, back in high school I started tit fucking girls with small tits with one hand, I basically fuck one tit at a time. You lay your dick across the top of her tit, right on the nipple and then take a free hand and clamp it down from the top. It's like your grabbing her tit, but your dick is trapped in between. Its great, you can fuck both tits and really work her nipples over while your at it. Well, a few days later my buddy tells me he tried the one handed method and he wasn't that impressed. I thought thats cool, to each his own. But then, I went out with my buddy and his girlfriend. Shit, that girl is stacked like Susan Sarandon. Big Wide Knockers that have a nice hang to them. First off dude, you cannot tackle Earl Campbell with one arm, and you cannot titty fuck Susan Sarandon with one hand.

Googles Top 5 Asses!

2008-05-18T20:07:00.000-07:00

Ok, here is the drill. Search a word on Google images and see what shows up. You will be surprised, shocked and occasionally thrilled. Here is Googles top 5 for "ass".

Coming in at number 5, the most artistic of the images comes from wikipedia ass page!

At number 4 we have this hard ass. Make all the dude jokes you want, but you know she can give a mean hand job with those guns!

Our 3rd place ass is this little minx. She is some sort of small tit, hot ass porn wannabe. Her ass is where my cock wannabees.

Runner up number 2 ass is this custom exhaust pipe this dude rigged up to his rice rocket. I wonder if the tits match the size if that rump. Get it girl!

And our number one google ass image is this fine heart shaped wonder. Looks like an adult industry convention and she must be signing her rotten panties for these goofballs. I do like the goatee dude that is catching on to the fact that the photographer might be a bigger perv then he is. And check out count drunklula on the far left, looks like he fell out of a coffin.

Passed Out Tit Fuck In The Park.

2008-05-16T10:53:00.000-07:00

I got this photo emailed to me as part of list of drunks that all passed out in public.
At the bottom of the list was this photos of this chick with huge knockers! If I was walking through the park and eyeballed these love balloons, I would have to fondle them for a moment. If I had 2 minutes to spare I would jam them into my face and see how much I could get into my mouth! And if I had 5 minutes I would drop my drawers and titty fuck those amazing globes from the front! Not from the side! These are big enough to go head-on and try and bury it into chest her. Wow.

My Cock Is Huge! In The Right Hand?

2008-05-13T08:11:00.000-07:00

We have this really thin girl here at work. She is cute, not pretty. Maybe 5' 3" or so. Not so thin that you see bones right away. But she is a little women. Straight hair to shoulder length. Her tits are big enough to fill a small bra size, so she is not totally a flat plains girl. Nice shaped ass, most skinny girls have none. So of course you cant help but think your cock is going to look huge in her little hands. Like a bug stuck on a pin... you can fantasize like your some cock god plowing her in half with every thrust. I have fucked skinny girls before, you can pretty much jack off with them. Throw em around a toss up and down on your dick like a blow up doll that has a pussy as hot as fire. I don't know why, but thin girls pussy's are always like 20 degrees hotter. So to make this even better, ill jerk off later and fantasize that she has a twin. It takes both of those little hands to jerk me off!

I fucked Courtney Love At Subway

2008-05-13T07:38:00.000-07:00

The local subway is a dive, but its the closest one to my home, AND a minx works the counter. Shes blond and has some piercings, she is a lot younger then me. When closing time gets near, she will crank up some old school punk from the back room and some of her goth/punk friends will be hanging around. She reminds me of a young, short, Courtney Love. I haven't fantasiesed about her full on yet. But, I would love to fuck her... right in the back room of subway. I wonder if I could get a meatball tea bagging to go?

White Trash Wandering The Streets

2008-05-12T22:02:00.000-07:00

Today as I was driving him from work, I watched a tatted up wife beater wearing white trash dad. He had a little girl clinging to him in one arm and a firm grip on brown bagged bottle of some sort. He was crossing traffic with the girl and some booze. Crazy People.